


Time

by hayden



Category: Original Work
Genre: Death, M/M, One Word Prompts, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hayden/pseuds/hayden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daniel is a young man with a troubled life, reunited with a stranger in a complex situation time and again: always at the beginning of the end of something, always too close to him and always knowing just a little too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time

**Author's Note:**

> This snippet may be triggering for those with depression who have in the past, or presently do think suicidal thoughts. Please do not proceed if talk of death, suicide, or self-harm triggers you. This is a work in progress following a one-word prompt: "Attempt".

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.” The words came out of the darkness so crisp, so clear that he startled, his hands flying to his face to knock his glasses askew. Before he could fix them they were being set right for him by strange hands, cool hands that made his heart pound in his chest. He was lying on the rooftop, his own hands cool but not cold, not like ice like the fingertips that- dare he think it, seemed to caress his cheeks as they pulled away. He shivered and it had less to do with the damp winter air and more to do with the eyes he found fixed so intently upon his own. A passionate gaze of burning amber bore into him like a heated knife had been plunged into the gut and instead of doubling over sick, he wrapped a trembling hand around his middle and tried to steady himself as he brought himself slowly upright. When he said nothing in what he thought must have been appropriate response time for the man kneeling beside him, it prompted further words from smiling lips. “You don’t think so? Usually a man would find it embarrassing to always being caught in the middle of the act of… what would you call this? Building the courage to take the leap?” 

“I’m not--” he blurted and stopped himself with a heated flush causing his pale cheeks to turn ruddy, his freckles most likely hidden amongst the sudden influx of pink that he knew the nameless man would see. Even in dim light, he knew that he could see him very well. Maybe he did not know much else, but he knew that. He knew that the eyes that looked at him now were not human and thus could not very well have possessed meager human ability. He was like a dog, no, a wolf. Maybe, he thought with some bewilderment, their meetings were not chance at all; maybe he was drawn to death like a predator indeed, and he would have thought himself crazy for thinking that, only… he’d seen him that first time, hadn’t he? He had seen the blood on the man’s lips and in his teeth when he had smiled. 

“Not?” The words prompted, and he felt himself frown in return. It hardly seemed to dissuade him from lingering for an explanation as instead of standing and turning to walk away, the man sat in his fancy clothing as though it did not occur to him to worry about the fabric coming to ruin by god only knew what was on the roof they found themselves on. “Were you going to say that you were not here to kill yourself? Don’t be embarrassed, there’s nothing shameful in thinking about death, not even your own. Or… maybe it’s not the embarrassment, maybe it’s guilt? Are you a believer, Daniel?”

Fear seized his heart and relentlessly it tore into it, his breath hitched and hurting with every sharp intake. It was amazing how a little bit of fear could revive him, give him a feeling that he was still alive when everything else had only dulled it. This man should not have known his name. They had never exchanged these things, had never known one another before their first meeting at the crest of the bridge. He knew his name, he knew he wanted to die. Why that scared him more than the idea of death he did not know, but while he flirted constantly with the idea of his suicide it had never occurred to him to be afraid of it half as much as he felt afraid then. The whys and hows were beyond him; he looked at this stranger and his eerie, bright eyes and he was only half aware of the way that he had wrapped his arms around himself. He felt exposed to him in a way he had never felt exposed to anyone before. Why did this feel so intimate? 

“A believer in what?” His question came on a croaking voice as he sweat into his shirt, palms clammy as they crossed to press flat across their opposite ribs. 

“I’m so glad you’ve decided to join the conversation,” the man went on. “I mean do you believe that God will hold your death as the ultimate sin? The worst sin? Are you a man of faith, Daniel? That is what I am asking.” 

“I don’t know.” Daniel whispered. Why should he tell him that?

“You at least remain honest in some respects. I can admire that. I find it curious that you are more open about your faith than your will to die, however. One is so much simpler than the other, isn’t it? God is an infinite of mysteries, whereas death is a fact. There is no questioning death. Everyone dies.” 

“I don’t know that’s true,” he muttered. “Certainly, I think…” 

“You think?”

“I think some things parade as men that live, breathe, die.”

“Things.” the man said thoughtfully, and Daniel regretted everything that had come out of his mouth up to that point. “You would not happen to be referring to me, would you Daniel? That is a little rude, even for a man on his deathbed.” 

“I’m not…”

“Not killing yourself.” He wanted to mind the interruption, but he couldn’t. He was spot-on. How he knew so much about him though, he did not know, and it was terrifying. More frightening than lying at the edge of the roof above the hotel he had come to call home, anyway, but how sordid was that? “Right, you still have not made your mind up or I suppose our meeting last time would have ended with you in the water and myself with no one to talk to now.” 

Why did he smile like that? Why should he smile at all? Daniel felt anger welling unexpectedly within him and it must have shown on his face because something in the man’s changed as though on cue, surprise there and fleeting quickly to be replaced with a sincere regret that twisted in Daniel’s chest and brought the guilt back. 

“I am sorry. You are right though, of course. When you have been around as long as I have to see all that I have seen, sometimes it takes longer to remember how things used to be; how I used to be.” Seeing the look on his face, the man shook his head. “No Daniel, I can still die. Everything dies, as I said. I am simply harder to kill than I once was. You would not envy me for that, I would think… You would be on many more bridges and rooftops than this and there would be no finality if you stepped off of the edge.” 

“Are you the devil?”

“I thought you didn’t have faith.”

“I said that I didn’t know what to believe,” Daniel corrected, no longer hugging his arms around himself but standing and forcing the man to do the same to keep from knocking their heads together in the process. How long had he been looming over him, anyway, he wondered? “I don’t know if god exists, but I have seen evil. I know that evil exists.” 

“That’s depressing.” He smiled and raised his hands under the look that he was shot, but he did not shy away from the anger that he had earned this time. No, this time it did not seem to reach him at all. “But then again, I am talking to a suicidal man. This must be your, what… third time looking for the courage to make your attempt?”

“Attempt implies that once the courage was found I would not succeed.” 

“I know that you would not.”

Daniel snorted as he looked over the edge and onward toward the horizon, looking into the bleak of the night and shivering when the wind picked up, cold prickling along his sweat-slicked skin. He asked, “And how is it that you would you know that, pray tell?”

“I would stop you, of course.” 

When he whirled around the man was there, so close he should have been able to feel his breath against his face when he spoke but it was not. There was nothing. No warmth, no breath. Just his eyes. His bright eyes staring out at him from under a fringe of curly brown, his lips curling into a wry smile as Daniel jerked back. He might have stumbled weren’t he held onto, an icy hand so strongly wrapped about his hip that it froze him through the tweed of his pants and caused a violent shiver. Just that little contact was like being plunged into a bath of ice water. 

“Unhand me!” 

“I will not. I told you, Daniel… I won’t let you.”

“I am not going to jump!” he hissed and the truth of it took him aback, his expression falling as he realized the finality of the statement. There would be no more rooftops, no more bridges, no more ledges overlooking the town. 

“No? But I wouldn’t have found you hadn’t you made your mind up.” 

“A man can change his mind.” No matter how quietly he mumbled he knew that he would be heard. He did not have to be so close to him to know that with such certainty; he suspected that this man, this… creature, whatever kind he was, would have heard him and known be they inches or miles apart. 

“Man does change his mind,” the man agreed with a somber tone. “Quite often in fact, enough to drive a devil insane waiting on his soul, but Daniel, I told you. I could not have been there had you not put your name in the book. You will kill yourself. Maybe not tonight, but another night. And I will be there to thwart you every time you find a way until you have given up so entirely on it that it will never cross your mind to try again. I seek to erase your name from that list, Daniel. As though you had never thought to put it there to begin with.”

“What book? What list? You really are a devil, aren’t you…?”

“No, my darling boy. I am not a devil. I am death, and I am here to tell you that now is not your time.”

**Author's Note:**

> As someone who has battled with depression and who has lost a loved one to suicide, I implore that counsel is sought if you find yourself in the same situation. If you or anyone you know is thinking of suicide, please... call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255


End file.
